Values › Kindness › Acceptance
Core value · Kindness family
Acceptance
Taking people as they are
Also covers Tolerance
What does acceptance mean as a core value?
Acceptance as a core value means taking people, including yourself, as they are, without needing them to change before you can respect them, work with them or enjoy their company.
You don’t need people to be different before you can be at ease with them. A colleague’s quirks, a relative’s choices, a friend’s way of doing things you’d never choose yourself: you tend to meet them with “that’s who they are” and leave it there. Acceptance often grows out of having been judged, or from seeing how much energy goes into changing people who won’t change. It gives others room to relax, and they usually feel it quickly.
What does acceptance look like in practice?
- You welcome a new team member without expecting them to adopt your ways of working straight away.
- You stop trying to change a family member’s habits and enjoy their company instead.
- You don’t comment on how people dress, eat, speak or spend their weekends.
- You work well with people whose beliefs or politics differ sharply from yours.
- You extend the same acceptance to your own limitations.
When is acceptance overplayed?
Acceptance tips into passivity when everything is tolerated. Harmful behaviour goes unaddressed because “that’s just how they are”, underperformance gets treated as a fixed trait, and you may put up with situations in your own life that you could change. Others can mistake it for indifference. The healthy version accepts people and still holds standards for behaviour. A useful test: when you hear yourself say “that’s just how they are”, ask whether you’re accepting the person or excusing the behaviour.
Often confused with
Acceptance vs Open-mindedness
Open-mindedness is willingness to change your own mind. Acceptance is letting other people be as they are, whether or not your mind changes.
Acceptance vs Respect
Respect is honouring someone’s worth and boundaries, even while disapproving of how they live. Acceptance goes further and lets go of the disapproval.
Acceptance vs Forgiveness
Forgiveness is letting go of a specific grievance. Acceptance comes earlier and is broader: letting people be who they are in the first place.
Acceptance vs Inclusiveness
Inclusiveness is actively making sure people are brought in and able to take part. Acceptance is the attitude underneath: taking people as they are once they’re there.
Questions to sit with
- Who are you still trying to change, and what would it be like to stop?
- Which behaviour have you accepted for too long, in someone else or in yourself?
- What part of yourself do you find hardest to accept, and whose judgement is that really?
More values in Kindness
Warmth, gratitude and generosity towards others.
About the author
Matt Rutherford is a Career and Leadership Coach. The Values Finder is the same exercise he uses with his coaching clients. He also writes Stuff that MattRs, a weekly newsletter with practical ideas to help you think clearer and work better.
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